I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

14
Sep

halisaacson:

Get ‘em, YE!

3
Sep

conjugal rights

3
Sep

Look listen and take heed

3
Sep

women, know your role!

31
Aug

Michael: We were joshing around. The two of us. And he said “Did I stutter?” And I said, “Wha-wha-wha-what dog.” It was joking Toby, alright?
Toby: He didn’t seem like he was joking.
Michael: Well you don’t get it. Because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man. And you’re you. If you had any friends, you would understand friends joke with one another. “Hey, you’re poor.” “Yeah, well, your mama’s dead.” That’s what friends do. It’s…you’re so white. Michael Scott trying to justify Stanely yelling at him in front of the office claiming “they’re friends”

31
Aug

Today I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan-he was the temp here. Yeah…and, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term palns in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about. So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I’ve never done before-try. Jim Halpert

31
Aug

Like I said, it’s not about the horniness, it’s the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? I think a famous person once said, “Boys on the side”, but I don’t, I disagree. I say, “Let’s hear it for the boys. Michael Scott

26
Aug

I don’t even know what to say

26
Aug

FRENCH KISSING IS GROSS

26
Aug

Rusty the Narcoleptic Dog

24
Aug

Now okay, I know that this is probably not appropriate but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens, I need to get laid. And before that happens, I need to be in love…I am a catch. And I am not going to be the one who got away. So this is what we’re going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the house. Or you are fired. Michael Scott

24
Aug

Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to instruct the kids about management and sales, Oscar will be in charge of accounting, Pam will be eye candy…No, and also because that is your alma mater. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. You don;t have to worry about internships with thtem because they definitely ain’t going to college! Michael Scott [on student’s visiting Dunder Mifflin Paper Co.]

24
Aug

SCHNEIDER: Did Ms. Levenson say why she thought she was being fired?
MICHAEL: She thought it had to do with the twins. That’s what I call them.
SCHNEIDER: Can you be more specific? Who are the twins?
MICHAEL: To be delicate-they hang off milady’s chest. They make milk. Michael Scott

19
Aug

fueledbyphotos:

according to the beatles

19
Aug

Update…Crazy Mexicans

He’s still not out and todays latest entry involves him begining his sentence off the same way he always does when he tries to trap me in a conversation…”Can I ask you something?

Why the fuck are you asking me if you can ask me something?! Just ask…

He basically wanted to know if I was stealing his newspaper and then blamed it on the guy upstairs across from him. Which is what lead to (I don’t know why) him telling me hes moving due to “safety purposes” from the MURDERS in the area!

I think what he was trying to say is that, I’m being evicted and trying to scare you into I have no idea what. I have no clue what his intentions are as far as telling me these random horror stories every time we have a human interaction.

He’s blaming management and safety as to his recent “decision” to move. “They don’t tell you what goes on here its not safe”.

WOW

You’d never think that embarrassment over being evicted would force you to scare the hot young new neighbors.

JOSE YOUR A WEINER, THANKS FOR ALWAYS MAKING ME DAYS A LITTLE MORE CREEPY!!!! I REALLY FUCKING APPRECIATE COMING HOME FROM WORK AND SEEING YOUR GODDAMN FACE!!!!

:)